Found Poem: The ColdTowne Theater Holiday Gift Exchange Manifest

ColdTowne Holiday Party (photo: Jon Bolden Photography)

ColdTowne Holiday Party (photo: Jon Bolden Photography)

Here’s one way I think about ColdTowne Theater: If Austin were NYC, and if this was 1974, Saturday Night Live would emerge from ColdTowne. ColdTowne would produce its own Lorne Michaels, it would provide the actors and writers (and probably the band).

Last night, ColdTowne held its annual holiday party, which included a white elephant gift exchange. Because there are about 100 people crammed into the theater, the gift exchange is a bit unwieldy. And so a tradition formed: everyone begins chanting different phrases — some inspired by the gifts being opened, some just freak spin-offs.

Thanks to Ed Reed — 1/5 of the ever-present, never-hesitant übertroupe Bad Boys — there’s documentation of this gift exchange. Or, rather, the words that those 100 improvisers were chanting.

And here it is, more or less in order. I encourage you to read it aloud in some sort of rhythm. It’s funnier that way:

nutcracker
Santa Claus
clockwork orange
fozzie bear
who’s that guy
Drew
fire code
fireworks
mosh pit
Frank calls
corporation
Cody
ho ho ho
let’s go ho ho, let’s go (ho ho ho)
jar jar binks
Nick
Arthur
Michael Ta
Fedora
not his fault
Sam in a sweater
ColdTowne mascot
we’re number one
straight talk
perfect gift
cake
perfect gift
perfect gift
fur is murder
books
justice
it wasn’t hers to give
perfect gift
fire code
burn it down
intern gift
format question
widescreen
justice
perfect dress
perfect gift
justice
shakeweight
coffee
Luke
envelopes
good steal
Michael Ta
creepy steal
Xaria
fancy pants
Kristen
usa
four more beers
welcome back
IBS
better than pepto
no high fives
nice butt
share the gift

 

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